28 - Women and Marriage

[Jieyan Z.]

In Shanghai’s People’s Square’s matchmaking corner, some parents write down their son’s /daughter’s information on a paperboard, including age, economic condition, education and family background, ect. It has been accepted among this group that women with a master or doctor degree and good job, but over 30 years old are in a disadvantaged position, only to be left out in the marriage market. Actually, this reminds me two films I just watched last week, Mona Lisa’s Smile and When Spring Comes, in which female roles all face some similar dilemmas, go through physical and psychological struggle, and finally find their own way out. However, the road to development and growth for women are tough, whether they are well-educated or not. In my view, only a true self, not marriage, can guarantee the quality of a woman’s life.

Women need to be alert and determined in terms of a marriage. Women students in Mona Lisa’s Smile are well-educated, but best known as the “perfect wives” of the society, instead of “elite women”. Betty gets married but betrayed by her husband who has an affair with another woman. It is only when Betty determines to move forwards that she finally gets away from the shackle of her failed marriage. Wang Cailin is a different case because she chooses not to marry even though a man proposes to her twice. Keeping a clear mind, she does not yield to the social stereotypes even though she knows that her ugly look may hinder her way to find a desirable man.

By being alert and determined I do not mean women should not marry; instead, women should place themselves in an advantaged position, believing marriage is not a must unless you, yourself, think it is necessary. Never marry just because people think you should be married at a certain age. Although Joan becomes a housewife in the critical moment when she may become a law student of Yale University, she does carefully think over from her own position. She does not marry just to conform to the social tradition.

After the struggle in whether to marry for social conventions or not, women who succeed will find their own way. Wang Cailin knows that she may neither find a dream husband, nor make her talent recognized, but she finally settles down in family where she could gain inner peace and happiness, rather marrying with a man she does not love. After the woman teacher in When Spring Comes is abandoned by her husband, she decides to leave their house and starts a new life, instead of confining herself in the role of a deserted wife.

In conclusion, to realize that marriage will never be a criterion of measuring happiness is the most important step for women. Woman need to take control of their own life, including their marriage.

[Zihong Z.]

Hi, Jieyan Z.! I'm ZHOU Zihong, a freshman from GDUFS. It's so nice to be in the same group with you! One of the distinguishing features I've found in your review is your special beginning. Most of us just go straight into the films but you're able to offer an actual example which is quite relevant. Your observation and writing skills have certainly inspired me. I can see marriage issue is your main focus and you've raised a very interesting ponit 'women should place themselves in an advantaged position'.

But I'm curious. How can women place themselves in an advantaged position? For example, given the circumstance, how can Wang Cailing place herself in an advantaged position?

[Jieyan Z.]

By "advantaged position" I mean women should put themselves in an active position, rather than conforming to the social stereotypes which require women to be obedient and tamed by men. Women should keep in mind that women can obtain what men achieve in many fields. Sometimes it is because women think themselves vulnerable to challenge the patriarchal society that they fail to exert their potentials. Therefore, women need to be inwardly tougher and stronger.

[Zihong Z.]

Thanks, Jieyan! Yes, I think I've got your point. Mental preparations ARE of great significance. On the other hand, what about the physical preparations?
In recent years, more and more girls have been engaging themselves in all sorts of sports activities.

How would you comment on this phenomenon?

[Jieyan Z.]

I think even though girls begin to engage more in sports activities to build up a healthy body, women are weaker than men in nature. Some women participate in sports activities just because they want to lose their weight and find a handsome boyfriend. Men likes skinny women or maybe women in good shape. From this aspect, women are still in a disadvantaged position because to some extent they are working hard to please men.Although some women are working hard on exercises, they are still weaker than most men because in order to keep a good shape, they also keep a diet. I do not mean all the sport girls do exercise to lose their weight. Still some girls just want to keep fit, but this does not challenge the superior status of men in this stereotyped society.

[Zihong Z.]

Indeed! It's very true when you said ‘to some extent they are working hard to please men’, which has never crossed my mind! I believe your review would be even more brilliant with elements like this. By the way, how do you think of my review? Is there any areas I can improve on? Or any interesting thoughts you have on it?

Please feel free to leave comments below my passage!

[Jingyuan L.]

Hi Jieyan,
It is interesting that you started your paper with a story and I've know that is definitely a fact.
I noticed that you used the first person, the second person and also the third person in your paper, and that is confusing.
Most time, for not confusing readers, the writer will only use one person in the paper. I think you could fix some sentence to make your paper more clearer.

[Jingyuan L.]

Hi Jieyan,
I see you compared those women from the movie and talked about their decisions about marriage. Clearly, they made different decisions because of the different situations. You write "Wang Cailin is a different case because she chooses not to marry even though a man proposes to her twice. Keeping a clear mind, she does not yield to the social stereotypes even though she knows that her ugly look may hinder her way to find a desirable man. " My questions is, if she is clear with her life goal on marriage, why does she stuck herself into the unrealistic music dream. If she really know what kind of marriage she want? Or she consider herself too good to marry any one?

[Jingyuan L.]

Hi Jieyan,
"However, the road to development and growth for women are tough, whether they are well-educated or not. " some sentences like this are confusing.
I understand what you mean but I don't think it is the best structure. I highly encourage you to read some similar sentences wrote by native speaker to see how they phrase words. It was helpful for me, and I hope it works on you too!

[Jieyan Z.]

In Shanghai’s People’s Square’s matchmaking corner, some parents write down their son’s /daughter’s information on a paperboard, including age, economic condition, education and family background, ect. It has been accepted among this group that women with a master or doctor degree and good job, but over 30 years old are in a disadvantaged position, only to be left out in the marriage market. Actually, this reminds me two films I just watched last week, Mona Lisa’s Smile and When the Spring Comes, in which female roles all face some similar dilemmas, go through physical and psychological struggle, and finally find their own way out. However, the road to development and growth for women is tough, whether they are well-educated or not. In my view, only a true self, not marriage, can guarantee the quality of a woman’s life.
Women need to be alert and determined in terms of a marriage. Women students in Mona Lisa’s Smile are well-educated, but best known as the “perfect wives” of the society, instead of “elite women”. Betty gets married but betrayed by her husband who has an affair with another woman. It is only when Betty determines to move forwards that she finally gets away from the shackle of her failed marriage. Wang Cailin is a different case because she chooses not to marry even though a man proposes to her twice. Keeping a clear mind, she does not yield to the social stereotypes even though she knows that her ugly look may hinder her way to find a desirable man.
By being alert and determined I do not mean women should not marry; instead, women could place themselves in an advantaged position, believing marriage is not a must unless you, yourself, think it is necessary. Never marry just because people think you should be married at a certain age. Although Joan becomes a housewife in the critical moment when she may become a law student of Yale University, she does carefully think over from her own position. She does not marry just to conform to the social tradition. Wang Cailin does not choose to marry a wooer who she doesn’t like and finally would rather to adopt a little girl than choose marriage. It is she that controls her marriage instead of a man, or her families or the society.
After the struggle in whether to marry for social conventions or not, women who succeed will find their own way. Wang Cailin knows that she may neither find a dream husband, nor make her talent recognized, but she finally settles down in family where she could gain inner peace and happiness, rather marrying with a man she does not love. After the woman teacher in When Spring Comes is abandoned by her husband, she decides to leave their house and starts a new life, instead of confining herself in the role of a deserted wife.
In conclusion, to realize that marriage will never be a criterion of measuring happiness is the most important step for women. Woman need to take control of their own life, including their marriage.